A new book to write

A new book to write

New pages.  A book born from fear.  From knowing. Realising that this is really happening.

Mum has dementia.

Midnight approaches as the film ends on the TV.  Moments alone of comfort in my bed.
Time to escape, to think of something new. Watching a film brilliantly written.  Teenagers as inpatients in a home for those with eating disorders.  Took me to a place not at all relating to eating disorders but reminding me of illnesses and struggles.

Recently, like in literally the last few days I have begun to realize mum is actually experiencing symptoms of dementia.  Thinking and hoping ‘they’ had got it wrong I had kind of been looking at the funny side.  Mum too.  Laughing as she forgets something.  Oh how simple it seemed such a short while ago.
Last night we were talking about old musicals like Singing in the Rain and My Fair Lady.
“We must sit and watch some of these with Jasmine.” I suggested excitedly.
“Oh you’ll love it Jas!” Mum exclaimed and went on to speak of another film,  The Sound of Music, which was always her favourite film to the extent everyone knew. “That one with all the children in it?”
“The King and I?” I asked.
“Yeah, I think so…” I could see her thinking. “That one where she made all the clothes out of curtains.”
For mum to forget the Sound of Music was massive.  I could see now she has dementia.

What am I in for?  What does the future hold?
I am clueless right now.  I need educating.  It’s a month today before I go to the post diagnostic meeting to get educated.
Meanwhile I will attempt to love her in a way I never have before.
I will attempt to forgive her when her words are sharp in her complaints to me.
I will do my best to make my house her home too.

How long do we have her for?
Who knows the answer to that?
What caused this?  Could I have done anything differently?

Writing is my savior.  While I am not well either as I have crohns, I will write in the hope of this being a career for myself where I shall document this journey for all to read.  A way to work as well as take care of mum.  About to go into my final 3rd year of university, I sense this might well be a difficult time.

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