The Garden center
Driving past the garden center recently mum announced, “Ohh Milbrook, we have to go there, not been there in ages.”
Yes she asks a lot but then I think I would ask a lot too if I knew I was on borrowed time.
I would want to cram everything in.
If it’s important to Mum, it’s important to me. Like recently, we were away at Center Parcs and Jasmine wanted to find a tree to climb (well, Lewis did really) as they were going to film something from up there. One of our party members said, “Do we have time for that? Like is it really important?” Well, yes, if someone asks something it’s important.
So yes. Mum and I would goto Milbrook.
I tapped into her knowledge of flowers and what to plant at this time of year. Giving her a feeling of contribution. All was going so well. Then she mentioned, “I’ve not seen any petunias.”
Yet it’s not the time of year for petunias. Mum would have known this previously. Bless her. I would have been the one asking her 15 years ago. So the tables turned as I said, “They have finished for the year now mum.”
We are at the stage of accepting this as mum said, “Oh have they?”
Many people have ‘educated’ me to say you shouldn’t correct a dementia patient. Now had Mum said, “there should be loads at this time of year.” I possibly would say perhaps they have sold out.
Instead, Mum told me how she prefers violas to pansies as they last longer. So we decided to buy 24 of those, 4 large cyclamens and while mum likes multi colours in the garden, I do like matching colour schemes. I try to get mum involved and make the house hers too but I wanted to have purples, whites and pinks. So we got those.
We had a drink and nibble, (that’s happening a lot lately) and I asked mum to watch my last bit of coffee while I loaded up the car. Upon my return, (you know what I am going to say) the coffee was gone.
“awwww my fault, I told the lady she can take the tray.”
Feeling disbelief that my mum has dementia is such a real thing. Have they got it wrong? Then these little things happen and I feel perhaps they haven’t got it wrong. Sadness overcomes me as I sit writing this at the tennis club. A new place to write while I meet Stacey, my friend, I feel tears will flow today.
Never can I imagine mum being anything except herself.
I want the good side of the dementia.
The side which makes her more loving and kind.
Less critical at times. It’s nice to get a relief of that.
The times that we now spend together. The fact that I must make more time for her as I am her carer…all these things.