I’m so sorry mum and I have been MIA. Apologies.
My intention was to write this blog every day and even just record some photos to get up on here for memory sake. So here is a small update, laden with excuses/reasons for the lack of writing. First though, mum is doing ok.
You know the struggles I have been through with university so I won’t get out the violin again here or beg for even empathy but suffice to say I have got to keep my head down during these last 5 weeks (!) of study. There is a whole lot to get done. My 10,000 word dissertation on the Human Body composition (The lab experiments are done now) and as this looks like we might even get published in one of the scientific journals (make history basically) I need to make it a good one. There are 2 essays of 3000 words each. One on the association between dietary iron and the prevalence of colorectal cancer (yeah, we don’t bake cakes on this course like in Home Ec) and another in relation to adolescent obesity and the challenges the public health department have in making changes. One final piece of work takes this to 18,000 words and that is one of those I love. Self reflective reporting using the MBTI test. All ‘stuff’ of the mind. Fantastic. I love this…which shows me I’m on the wrong course! Those around me are bored with this. Hence, quite a change in direction next year but more on that another time.
Mum is being patient. I aim to get her out at least once a week for a bite to eat but the rest of the time she is chilling, watching TV and filling in word searches. Bless her heart. I explained I need to focus. She promised to tell me if she needs anything. However, I am setting some time aside for myself as to be honest, I was feeling blue. Like, really under a cloud. It was advised to me to do something different. Which I have. Monday nights are my nights. I enjoy a wonderful drive up to Greenwich and attempt to read a score of Mozart and sing something which resembles that on the page. It’s consuming my brain. I must switch off from science, mum and all else. Now, not only am I feeling more like the old me by even attempting to dust off those vocal chords that have been lying dormant too many years but on the way home my name is called loudly by my local dance studio as I begin to feel the music in my feet once again. I’m loving life right now.
Mondays sees mum looked after and I generally get through the door feeling like the 30 year old me, smiling, tired but unable to sleep and all is good.
How is mum? Well, she’s still been skipping heart beats. Most days it’s fairly constant. She feels nothing. Yet on screen it looks crazy. She looks really white today and her sats are low in the 91/92 range. Her blood pressure is fluctuating. She also is sleeping more than 12 hours a night. I simply don’t know what the future holds for mum. The dementia is definitely getting worse and her latest thing is laughing at absolutely everything, even things that are tragic and I try to be patient as can be but it’s not often funny. Without fail now, everytime mum greets someone she says the same things over and over, “I’m alright it’s all the others.” and the like. I guess if she was silent that would just be sad. So, she’s doing ok is what I want to say. We still laugh at something every day and taking her obs is a way of showing love to a lady who never gives or allows hugs and stuff.
We are doing ok. Hope you are too. Right, head back down now…. speak soon x